so that wasnt chicken after all
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
