I won't be sarcastic... just naked
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
