That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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