went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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