I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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