i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
