I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize