yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
