Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
