Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize