I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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