I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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