you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
