My brain says no but my pants say off.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
