so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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