Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
