Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I forget how to act sober
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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