you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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