Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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