Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
