lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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