Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
