no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
