I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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