If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
