i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
