How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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