stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
