Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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