Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
