Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
