first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
