Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pooping to opera.
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