I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
