dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
