Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
