dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
