If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
