Midget sex pt 2 tonight
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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