I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
