Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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