the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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