he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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