I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
