Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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