There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
