I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
