We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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