we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
