You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
