The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
