ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
