i don't plan on having that self control this summer
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
