I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
