Where did you get a picture of my penis
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
