Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
