When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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