you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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