You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
