I think I am morally bankrupt
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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