I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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