so that wasnt chicken after all
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He passed out mid-signature
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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