she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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