Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
