Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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