I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
