I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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