Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
