i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize