Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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