You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
