she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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