...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
