The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
