I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
