I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
