I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
